Self-Discipline and Inner Conflict

I feel at times like people just don't get this concept. If you want to change your life...DO IT. If you want to lose weight...stop eating what is making you gain weight and increase the calories your body burns. If you want to fly a plane...take the lessons. If you want 6pack abs then eat properly and burn fat. It's SIMPLE people. Jeepers, it isn't Rocket Science we are talking about. I mean if someone was intent on building a "Time Traveling Machine" I might coach them on looking at a more tangible goal or path but most people are wanting things that are achievable. I mean really...they are ACHIEVABLE.

This is where I get to be "The WHY Guy"; This is my expertise, I get to ask people WHY aren't you getting rich, finding happiness, losing weight, being full-filled and generally living the life you want to live. One of the answers that consistently shows up and rears its ugly head is a lack of self-discipline.

When we ask ourselves the "Big question" - "What is it I want to change in my life" and go through the 7 day process there is no doubt about what change it is that needs to be made and what change is wanting to be made in our lives. The crazy part, is that even though we KNOW what we want to do and we DESIRE that change in our lives, it is our Self-Discipline or lack thereof that puts up this invisible wall in front of us. I say invisible because only you can see it? Or is it only you that sees it? Have you ever been passed over for a promotion? Have you made huge gains in the gym only to see them fade away due to diet challenges? Are you a serial dater who just can't seem to find the right mate? Maybe the wall isn't invisible after all? Maybe the outside world can see our Self-Discipline walls and don't want to make the effort to try and climb over them or break them down to get to us. If the outside world perceives you as an individual with a lack of self-discipline and a lack of resolve to accomplish what you set your mind to, then it only adds to the size of the wall or "Internal Conflict" that you personally are trying to breakthrough.

I firmly believe that our individual success/failure metrics come from our "Internal Conflicts". If you know what you want to do, you have the correct plan laid out, you have the desire, you have the means to make it happen and you still don't succeed... it is your action that is off not your planning. The 80/20 rule applies here. Your mental makeup is perfect. You have identified the problem, worked out solutions, picked the best one and off you go. The problem is that with every step forward you tend to take 2 steps back. Why? What is it that you have done wrong? Simple answer - You have Internal Conflicts. Your actions are inhibited by the conflicts raging within you. They may be so deep inside you that you really don't know what they are or they may be things as simple as your Ego not allowing you to lay yourself out there and fail?

The challenge going forward it this - If you don't IDENTIFY the conflicts within then you're going to continue along the same path as you are going now with all of the various degrees of success and failure you have known for years. There is no simple way or answer of how to achieve this but what I do know, is you have to really look at what you want NOW, what your willing to commit to NOW and what is important to you NOW.

We all want to change the world in one way or another. Where things start to derail for us personally, is when we try to take on too much at a time. When we pile our goals and dreams together and start playing "Jenga" with them. As we all know, that pile of wood blocks ALWAYS comes crashing down. It is for this reason that I think 'The 365 Effect" is another way of helping people break through their walls and reach a higher levels of self-discipline.

The 365 Effect allows you to focus on the Big Question for 365 days. It isn't a great deal of time. It really isn't. All of us over the age of 20 has said at one time or another "Where did that year go". That's just it; A year can fly by quicker than you know it. The 365 Effect allows you to align your life with what it is that you really want to do. The ALIGNMENT of your actions to your commitments, is where the real breakthrough starts to happen. If you can free yourself of the inner conflicts that are preventing you from making the progress you want then the 365's daily process of being self-disciplined and resolved towards changing what you want NOW in your life will be life-changing.

I love this quote from the 30th President of the USA Calvin Coolidge -
"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent"

Daily persistence, resolved determination and simple, actionable and measurable commitments is the key to success in our lives and making the changes we want to make in our lives.

As always I welcome any comments or thoughts. If you are finding "The 365" interesting pass on a note, make a comment and feel free to pass on this blog on to others. Spread "The 365 Effect".
Reach out to me on twitter @the365effect or via email - the365effect@gmail.com

Who 'Owns" the Problem

"Who owns the problem"? Great question to ask yourself when you are looking at making changes in your life.

My wife Kathy gave me this little nugget years ago when we were both working with "Youth at Risk" populations. The majority of the kids we were working with came from families with challenges and the kids were left with a "lens" to look at the world with that sometimes was distorted. This "lens" allowed them to only look at the world in one way. They didn't have the skills to adjust the "lens" and brings things into focus or put things in a new perspective allowing them to make what "Society" deemed a "good decision". In our work with the teens our focus was largely on helping them make the "transition" to independent living. The youth didn't have the basic skill sets needed to successfully navigate life on their own. The majority of the kids had many problems which needed to be addressed, things like meeting basic health care needs, education, finances, drug and alcohol counseling, parole requirements and the like.

One of the constant themes that kept appearing with the teens we serviced was their ability to separate what was in their perceived control and what was not. This is where the "Nugget" of "Who owns the problem" is especially valuable. Take this example -

A teens teeth are rotting and they about to lose a few of them to tooth decay. This teen has a fear of dentists that goes way back to an isolated bad experience as a young child. This teen hates dentists and refuses to go because of the one bad experience. The dentists he says are the problem. Really...? Suck it up Princess because here is the reality. His lack of concern over his own health care has led to his teeth rotting out. If he doesn't do the steps needed to save them he will have a toothy grin until he finally goes to a dentist for some oral cosmetic surgery to get some fake teeth in the place of the holes. This is his reality. He believes the dentists are the problem. He thinks they own it and that he is just a victim of the problem cycle. A cog in the wheel. What in fact is the reality is that he "Owns the problem". He is feeding it. He is continually "stoking the fire" and giving it life. If he simple acknowledged the fact that yes he did have an isolated incident with a dentist and yes he did have one bad experience he could then "let go of the problem" and find appropriate solutions.

I have spoken to thousands of individuals who are trying to become better leaders, parents, teachers or business owners. When I speak about "Who owns the Problem" it is amazing to see the reactions. It is like a light bulb goes on in their heads. The majority of people in the room immediately either realize that they can "give a problem away and refuse to own it" or that they really do "Own a problem" and can now take the steps needed to solve it.

If I asked you right now to think of the problems in your life what would you come up with. I know you can do this. Stop reading this and take 1 minute and THINK...what problems do you have in your life right now... Come back after a minute and read.

Ok, what did you come up with. I bet you came up with 1 BIG PROBLEM and a few little problems. Anyone come up with Finances, Health or Relationships? No surprise there. You are not alone. These 3 problem areas show up almost universally when asked a similarly worded question. The challenge for you now is to look at the problems you identified and decide whether you want to "Own it" or "Give it away".

If you are looking at making changes in your life you will have to seek out where the "problem" areas are. There is no going forward unless you clearly identify and "OWN" those area where you are stuck. If you don't OWN it, let it go. Let someone else carry that weight around with them. Let them carry the problem which you so graciously have been carrying. Remember before you can make any substantial change you must let go of what has held you back in the past.

I have a visual trick that I use and have shared with others over the years and I call it my "Backpack Theory". Look at your friends, peers, family members and coworkers. Think of them all walking around with an invisible "Backpack" on. You can see the Backpack but they can't. How heavy is it? How full is it? How big is it? What problems do you see them filling it up with? I know that when I first stumbled on to this visual I was carrying a backpack so big and full that I could hardly lift it. It dwarfed me. Thank goodness I was so strong and had enough endurance to carry a pack that big and heavy for so long. YEAH RIGHT...it was killing me. I was so worried about "Managing" the weight I was carrying that I couldn't concentrate on anything else. I just needed to keep plodding on and slowly moving forward. You can't imagine the relief I felt when I realized that I could stop and take the pack off. I could even go further and open up that pack and decide what I wanted to "Own' and what I wanted to get rid of. It was unbelievable the difference it made. Here I was with all this stuff in my "Backpack" that I had been picking up and throwing inside. Some of the stuff I had been carrying around for years and never did I even imagine that I could take it out, let alone give it away.

STOP... At some point today take the time and take your "Backpack" off. Have a look inside and figure out what have you been carrying around that you can get rid of. What can you take out and never have to worry about again. What "Problem" inside of that Backpack do you not have to OWN. I guarantee you will be stepping lighter once you do this.

As always I welcome any comments and thoughts. If you are finding "The 365" interesting pass me on a note, make a comment and pass on this blog on to others. Spread "The 365 Effect".